AlwaySane Is In Da House

So Many Things

Pain ah..... Don't know what's the problem but I've got this 2cm lump on the side of my cheek just next to my left ear. It has been there for 4 days already and it has been growing AND hurting. OK, to be fair, hurting when I rub it or move my jaw (which is pretty often considering I talk and eat, a lot). It is soooo painful that it's giving me headaches and I think I've lost a wee bit of hearing in my left ear as well. Frustration as I cannot even concentrate at work. Darn the pain. Curse the lump. The kind doctors at my hospital assure me it will subside in a few days and if it doesn't I better consult a GP. It seems to be something to do with the lymph node near de ear but strange thing is that (according to kind Dr CN) just one enlarged lymph node is uncommon. My doctor was dumbfounded as well. Whattodo??? And they say I'm over-reacting...I feel like punching them in the nose upside down. I was just a bit uptight about this because my good friend had cancer of the jaw.

I just feel a little uneasy though. Backgrounder is that my church is one that believes strongly in the partaking of the holy communion. There are countless testimonies of people who are healed through the partaking of the Lord's supper. As for me, even though I attended this church like 2 to 3 years ago, was not one who was actively engaged in this -- like I don't partake everyday. About 2 weeks ago, I bought a carton of grape juice and thought to myself, it will be good if I can partake everyday, just to remind myself that I'm bought by the blood of Jesus and I'm healed, whole, blessed, rich, favored etc. It's like in the morning, I just partake and I feel so good after that. Then this growth appeared. You know, like, I feel as if I'm doing this all wrong. Am I? People get healed when they partake, whereas I get sicker. And on average I'm actually down with flu once a month. It's ultimately depressing. My health has always been the low-side of my life and I just don't know what to do anymore. I just do not want illness to be the reason that I'm not doing the things I love.

Then yesterday we had our bible study. Hilarious because I had a dream the night before bible study and I dreamt that I was late. I was supposed to be operating a camera but in the dream I was very LATE, like 20 MINUTES OVERDUE. The funny thing is that I'm supposed to be serving the 4th service in the dream (which in real life starts at 4pm) but I was running into the auditorium at 9.35am (which in real-life would make me late for the 1st service). Anyway, I just ran in and saw people operating the camera I'm supposed to be on and I panic. I asked the person at the camera to intercom the director and ask if they want to swop me on (which is strange because in real life it's pretty impossible to go up to the person manning the camera and ask them to intercom but I should go straight to the director's room instead). My director then told her to ask me to go home.

DEVASTATED!!! I woke up. (TGID....Thank God I'm Dreaming)

Next day, which was yesterday, I was on duty for camera op at church. So I didn't think too much about the dream and just took the bus. And strangely, the journey was more jam-packed than usual! I mean, usually the journey takes 1 hour but yesterday, it was 1 hour and 30 mins! My gosh! I was like, this is SOOOO BAD!!!! There were cars everywhere and the driver for my bus was so cautious he didn't even cross when the light was yellow! I mean, SERIOUSLY, yellow light means DRIVE FASTER AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE WHEN YOU ARE THE FIRST VEHICLE!!!! No, not him. He stopped, at least for 3 yellow lights. I was on the verge of committing suicide by hanging on the handrails. I was reminded of the dream. OH NO....NOT REALLY... I was then desperately calling my director and friends to help me standby and set up equipment because I won't have time to do them. I did not have time to eat and the last time that happened, I fainted (literally) while on duty. Then as usual, the road leading to the bus stop was PACKED and the bus literally came to a standstill. I couldn't endure and walked up to the kind bus driver and asked him if he could let me down the bus, since I would have to walk further if he had stopped at the bus stop. Well, I forgive him for all the times he stopped at yellow lights because he actually let me down. Usually bus drivers don't do that but I think he could picture me crying if he did not. Nevertheless, I was scared stiff. Grand appearance at 7.20pm. Ran to the camera. Intercom the director "I MADE IT!!!". Director says "I'M SO GLAD BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T I'LL BE OUT THERE.". Then I told her about the eating part, or lack of it. Kindly, she asked me to run into the director's room and offered me biscuits. They helped a lot. I felt a bit faint halfway through but I think it's because of the stupid lump. My stomach growled but I could contain it. And praise the Lord, I made it through the whole service. Hallelujah!

Then during the service, I was trying to ignore the pain at my jaw. I also listened to pastor preached and I think (if I'm not imagining things), he quoted a verse:

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. " Ephesians 3:20-21

I was reminded of this conversation I had with my own dad. For some of you who know, I was applying for grad school last year but due to lack of funds, and also a badly prepared portfolio, I only managed to get into NYU which was very expensive and not offering financial aid. So I gave up. This year, after much encouragement from friends in the USA and from my dad, I applied to 3 other universities (AU, GU and IC). This time, all three accepted me into their grad programmes. (Really praise the Lord) BUT, they have not told me if they'll be giving me any scholarships or assistantships. I really needed them because a year of study will take up about US$25,000 and these are 2-year courses.

I spoke to my dad about this and he said we have money for this. But, I saw his bank account and if I use them for my grad school, my dad will be left with almost zero. Of course, I said no. But what he said almost brought me to tears.

Dad: I know how much you want to go to grad schools and you tried so hard for it. Money is no problem. I'm still working and I can earn more money. You just go and study. Don't worry about money at all.

Now if my earthly father can be so generous, how much more can my Father in heaven provide!

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:11

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26

I was just so excited when I piece all these together that I can't stop smiling. I know that my grad school is paid for and I just have to thank my Daddy and give all GLORY TO HIM!

Well, if nothing absolutely crazy happens, I will probably be starting grad school this August. YIPPEE YIPPEE YAY!!!!!

Aside: Oh and remember Mdm I-Am-Queen-Bee-And-I-Call-The-Shots? She finally came for a family conference in the midst of her flying, exams and meals. And best thing is, she's so polite in front of the doctors and behind them, she shoots us nasty emails. I think she's crazy. Well, just a sidetrack but her mother is going to be discharged tomorrow! Which means, NO MORE TROUBLEMAKER!!!!

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Sanity is when you know you are protected and loved.

Sane reflects @ this location permanently