AlwaySane Is In Da House

Please Let Go!

Letting Go and Letting God. Another painful yet joyful lesson learnt.

Yes. God provided once again and He did it magnificently.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I was in the process of looking for a place to stay when I start grad school in August. Having sent an email to the admissions officer, who was very helpful, I thought things will be running smoothly.

She said she will help and to give her some time. Well, I did not exactly do that.

I got restless. Yes, I even took things into my own hands.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Mistake #1: Getting impatient and moving on my own accord.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

For a long time, this admissions officer Ms S did not reply to my emails. Neither did she write. I got a bit terrified and thought she has forgotten about this matter.

I started hunting for apartments, looking for potential landlords and roommates. I signed up on various websites that claimed to be the best databases on rooms and rentals in upstate NY.

Subsequently I received a lot of emails from landlords and roommates wanting me to rent from them. It got a bit out of hand as they are coming in by the loads. It was tiring looking through the mails, checking out the terms and conditions, corresponding, asking questions, lease negotiations etc. My mind was in turmoil thinking about this day and night.

I’ve got a few offers but somehow they just did not work out. Either they were too expensive, or they were too far from the bus stops. Those with good deals simply do not email back, or even backed out. Three potential ones that I wanted to sign (even though they each have their flaws) backed out almost at the same time because they have found a new tenants.

It was exasperating. Then finally, I’ve got two more landlords with apartments near the town centre available for rent. Even though it’s just a room and quite a distance from the bus stop, they are charging about $100 higher than what I expect to pay (which is $300 including utilities). But I thought, since I don’t have much time and if I wait any longer I may have no place to stay at all, I better ask them to send me the lease first and pay up. But when I emailed them to send me the lease, they miraculously disappeared and did not reply at all. That was a week ago.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Mistake #2: Forgetting that God provides.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I was on the verge of crying and in my mind I thought since this is so hard, I might as well forget about going to grad school altogether! There are so many things not yet settled and ONE task is already so hard!

I just simply did not know what to do. You can say I have reached the end of doing what I can do. I have run out of options and in the natural, I am helpless.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, God says: Finally!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I got an email from Ms S. Yes, the admissions officer wrote and apologized for taking so long to write to me because she was swamped with application work and graduating students. She also gave me a number of a landlady whom I can call. And guess what? She has a room to rent that cost $300/month including utilities. And best of all, I don’t have to sign a lease! (This is important because if for any reason I need to leave, I don’t have to worry about paying for the rest of the year. The others require me to sign at least a 10-month lease.)

Anyway, that very night I called her. We spoke for about 15 minutes and we both came to an agreement very quickly. She will rent the smaller room to me at $300/month and should I want the bigger room, I can switch and pay $325/month instead. The rental includes electricity, gas, heat, water, laundry. I can use any of the furniture she has. When she goes grocery shopping I can follow. This place is near campus and so when the weather is good, I can walk. However, it is also close to the bus stop so I can take a bus back when classes end late and when the weather gets to minus freezing point.

This is the EXACT scenario I visualized:

- Right rental fee ($300 with utilities!!!)
- Right location (near school and yet near bus stop)
- Right terms and conditions (NO LEASE!!!)
- Right living conditions (a room in a house so I have privacy as well as company and space, nice landlady and vouched for by Ms S, good housing condition so I pay minimal housekeeping cost)

To say that God knows what I want and provided exactly what I wanted is an understatement. I didn’t even pray about this, on hindsight, which may explain for my jitters.

If I have just let Ms S handled this, I could have been spared the many days and nights of poring over tons of rental terms and conditions. I could have spared many friends the agony of analyzing this with me as well. (A BIG THANK YOU TO RUTH HO! THANK YOU AND SORRY!)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Through this experience I learnt something very precious.

God really loves me and does not want me to be in agony. However, I move faster than Him because I don’t see any results, yet. I don't wait. I thought He is not working or I simply forget God is with me. I work hard, put in lots of self effort, not resting and got irritable, confused and agonized. Just when things reached a dead end and I have no way out, God works. His hands came in and BAM! Everything falls into place. This is like how the planets and stars fall into place, but on a much smaller but no less significant scale.

I am eternally grateful for His goodness and grace. Even though I have resorted to my own means and taken things into my own hands, He never failed to let me know that He is the Almighty God who creates the heavens and the earth and at the same time is absolutely in love with me.

Needless to say, God is in control of my messy situations. Only if I let God be God.


God: How are you my lovely child?

His child: Bah! I’m tired.

God: Why are you tired? Why are you frantic and sweating?

His child: There just isn’t any result! I keep on working and trying to find my way out but I somehow just can’t! I don’t know what to do! I’m beat…

God: Are you sure you can’t find your way out?

His child: I’m helpless.

God: Are you sure you don’t know what to do?

His child: I’ve run out of ideas.

God: Are you sure you’re too tired to even move?

His child: I can just fall dead…

God: Good. Now I can lead you out of your maze, I can do for you what you can’t do, I can put my ideas into use and I can give you strength and give you life more abundant.

His child: What do I do then?

God: Nothing. Resting is the best thing you can do to help me, my love.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, I give God control over my impending education, my supervisors, finances (which He has already abundantly provided), new friends, relationships, work and life.

I am ready for good and overflowing results.

God loves you too. Be prepared for more results in your life, as He has done for mine.

Out.

=====
Grad School Chronicler

Sane reflects @ this location permanently